You Knew
by greymind
Summary: Cristina realizes that there's a downside to dating an attending. Involves Bailey, the interns and Burke. All chapters are up!
1. Chapter 1

**Seattle Grace Hospital – Outside Courtyard**

Alex, Izzy, George and Meredith are sitting outside talking during lunch.

Cristina walks up to the group, plops down in the chair, dropping her tray onto the table "I'm through!"

"Well, hello Mary Sunshine"

"I am so tired of not getting in on Burke's procedures. It's ridiculous!"

Izzy's looking at Cristina "What is your problem? You're in on plenty of Burke's procedures."

"She's just mad because he doesn't choose her." George continues a little cockier "Yup, I don't have that problem because I'm Burke's guy." Cristina is now glaring at George and, realizing she's really upset, he goes back to eating his sandwich.

Alex can't resist joining in "You know what you should do is complain to the Chief that your boyfriend won't let you operate!"

Cristina is now furiously stabbing at her salad "Why are the two of you even talking?"

Meredith tries to add some reason to the situation "Cristina, he's your boyfriend"

"Mer, I think I know that"

Meredith continues "He's your boyfriend and he can't pick you for surgeries because he's your boyfriend. It would look unfair."

"McDreamy picks you."

"Well he's not my boyfriend anymore" Cristina and Izzy both shoot her a look "and, besides, he's not as much of a rules guy as Burke."

Dissatisfied with her salad, Cristina begins ripping the label off of her water "Whatever. When we're at work we're attending and intern. Not boyfriend/girlfriend. What is so complicated about that?"

Izzy and Meredith glance at each other then Izzy tries again "Seriously? That's an impossible line to maintain. Ultimately he's your boyfriend."

Cristina won't let it go "I'm a surgeon. I have an edge. I am smart, a hard worker. I deserve to get picked. That's what's not fair."

"Yang, you're an intern dating an attending. Scratch that. You're an intern living with an attending. Fair's out the window. Get over it!"

Cristina sighs and George takes advantage to get one last dig in "Did I mention I was Burke's guy?"

Everyone at the table laughs except for Cristina "Yeah everybody's someone's guy. You know what, the two of you can scratch my..."

Before Cristina can finish Bailey walks up to the table "Dr. Yang if you're done whining I'd really like it if all of you would GET BACK TO TRYING TO SAVE LIVES! PEOPLE ARE DYING AND YOU'RE ALL DOWN HERE TALKING ABOUT THINGS BEING FAIR! MOVE ALL OF YOU!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Early Evening – Intern Locker Room**

Cristina's lying on the bench eating a bag of chips when Meredith walks over towards her locker. "Hey, why aren't you in the gallery watching Burke's surgery?"

"I'm eating. Why aren't you watching Burke's surgery?"

"Date with Finn. Why are you upset today?"

"What's with all of the questions?"

"I think they call it conversation" Meredith continues to look through her things not even looking up at Cristina.

Cristina sits up and begins getting riled up again as Meredith changes for her date "I presented that case perfectly this morning and Burke should have picked me to scrub into Dr. Henderson's surgery. Not George. I had all of the answers. I earned that surgery. Did you tell your friend McDreamy about Finn?"

"No. Friends don't tell friends everything. You should know that." Cristina rolled her eyes understanding that Meredith was talking about her and her need to keep things private.

"Maybe you and Finn could double date with McDreamy and She-Sheppard?"

Meredith, used to Cristina's tactics, won't let her off the hook so easily "Stop changing the subject. You were upset at lunch and it's not about Burke choosing George because you were fine during rounds then by lunch you're completely freaking out."

"I was not freaking out. I was complaining. You should wear the other shirt."

"Uhhuh. That's why you're eating stale chips in the locker room instead of watching a cool surgery in the gallery."

"I'm on-call I've got all night to watch surgeries." Meredith turns and shoots a suspicious look.

Cristina's staring into the empty bag of chips "Do you think I've lost my edge?"

Meredith laughs "Seriously?"

Cristina is very serious now "Yes Do you think I don't work as hard or try to get into surgeries just because I'm…because Burke and I are…"

"In love?" Meredith can't help but smile. She loved taking advantage of every opportunity she had to point that out to Cristina. "Definitely not." Meredith sits down next to Cristina. It's not like her friend to question herself or, more accurately, share her insecurities so she knows Cristina really is not just complaining "Why?"

"The visiting attending from Mercy lectured me this morning about how she knows about my relationship with Burke and expects that I will be prepared and work to the beyond the proper professional standard." Meredith eyes are wide as Cristina continues "That I should stop expecting to be handed good surgeries just because Burke is an attending and I need to start working just as hard as everyone else. And my behavior and poor judgment is a disgrace to female med school graduates everywhere. Oh yeah and that I should forget about any dream I had of being the best because I'll never be taken seriously while I am with him."

"Ouch! Today's her first day and she's leaving in a week, I can't believe she said all that to you."

Cristina fidgets with her hair clip "How does she even know about me and Burke? Are we Seattle gossip? Mer, you're my best friend do you think any of what she said is true?"

Meredith can actually hear desperation in Cristina's voice "No. Look, Bailey would be riding you if she thought any of it was true. You're not a slacker and you haven't lost your edge but you are different." Cristina looks up in fear "In a good way"

"I knew it! Crap McMercy is right!" and with this statement Cristina jumps off of the bench and begins pacing.

"No, forget about McMercy! She's not right! You're very competitive, definitely not soft but you're happier. You're happy with life not just surgery. That's the difference. It's a good thing." It is now that Meredith remembers how hard it is to give Cristina a compliment.

The volume of Cristina's voice continues to rise "Says you! That **was **my edge. How am I going to be the best if I can't get in on the surgeries of the best cardio-thoracic surgeon at Seattle Grace? A surgeon's life has to be surgery!"

"This is exactly why people think you're freaking out."

Cristina stubbornly returns to her spot on the bench "Fine"

"We tell ourselves that our lives are surgery but that isn't true. Life is friends, life is the way that you can't help yourself but look at Burke for a few seconds longer when you see him, life is cuddling, and life is finding that person that you feel safe with."

"Great, I'm gonna puke"

"Your life isn't surgery anymore Cristina. You know that and you know that you like it better this way. Just admit it."

"Whatever, I've got a surgery to see. Have fun with your Vet!" Cristina puts her book and the empty chip bag in her locker and walks out.

"See you tomorrow" Meredith smiled and finished getting ready her date.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**OR Viewing Gallery**

As Cristina walks into the Gallery, she passes several doctors leaving including Izzy and Alex. She takes a seat in the front row and sees that Dr. Bailey is the only other person sitting in the surgical viewing room. Burke and O'Malley are finishing Mr. Henderson's procedure.

"Yang, surgery's almost over. Where have you been?" The tone in Bailey's voice and the look she's giving Cristina makes it clear that she is not happy with the intern.

"Uh, I was just finishing something."

"You are here to learn. When you are on duty and you have no patients to see you need to be watching as many surgeries as you can. You should have been in here observing. There's no excuse."

"Right, sorry." From her seat Cristina looks down at Burke realizing for the first time that she hadn't spoken to him since rounds this morning. Finding it hard to focus on the surgery, she lifts her head up to look at the monitor. This always worked better for her when she was distracted.

Several minutes pass as they watch the surgery and listen to the OR conversation when Bailey starts to walk out of the Gallery.

"He can't pick you."

Cristina looks up "Excuse me?"

"The surgery assignments" Bailey pauses and Cristina is feeling panicked. Cristina realizes that Bailey overheard more than just the end of her lunchtime rant. The two stare at each other for a moment.

"You knew there would be sacrifices and sacrifices are not fair or painless. That's why they're called sacrifices. Yours is that you he can't pick you even when you're the best choice. We can assign you but when he has to pick he can't pick you. And if he did pick you each time, everyone would be watching, waiting for both of you to screw up. Waiting to say how Dr. Yang uses her hotshot surgeon boyfriend to get the best cases and skip out on scut duty. And deep down you would wonder too. Wonder if you were good enough to scrub in on these surgeries or if you were assigned surgeries because you were sleeping together."

Cristina was speechless and a bit embarrassed. Her mind was racing. She and Bailey had very few conversations about her relationship with Burke and certainly none as candid as this. Before she had time to respond, Bailey started speaking again.

"His sacrifice is that he might not get the one thing he wants almost as much as he wants you and that is being named chief at Seattle Grace. He knew that a long time ago. Can't have the Chief's judgment clouded by his girlfriend the intern. There are few things people love more than good gossip. The two of you are on display and you handle it well, both work hard, try to follow the rules and when you break a rule you take your lumps. You don't ask for favors and he's not handing them out, have good boundaries, keep your personal and work separate but even that is a sacrifice."

Bailey pauses, smiles and looks down into the OR as she continues.

"You need to remember that at the end of the day he's more important to you than a surgery and you're more important to him than chief." She glances back at Cristina "You'll get your surgeries and you'll earn your reputation."

Cristina smiles feeling more reassured than she had all day "Thank you"

Bailey walks out

"Oh and you're right...everyone's got their guy even me. Don't make me wish I picked someone else."

Cristina leans back and smiles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Seattle Grace Hospital – Catwalk**

Cristina is standing on the catwalk looking into the darkness through the huge hospital window when Burke walks up.

"Hey" Burke brushes up against her slightly when he turns to lean on the railing. Cristina looks up and smiles "Hey."

Burke has been worried about her since he'd seen her at lunch and heard about her ranting from Bailey. He knew that she got upset sometimes about the surgery assignments but she usually handled it pretty well. He wasn't sure why today was different. "You seemed out of sorts today."

"How do you know? I haven't seen you since rounds." Cristina looks at him confused.

"Oh but I have seen you." Burke has a sly grin on his face proud of his covert observations. "When you were coming out of the patient's room with the attending from Mercy, killing your salad at lunch, yelling at Karev this afternoon at the snack cart and in the Gallery having what looked like a pretty serious conversation with Bailey."

"Should I be calling the police, McStalker"

They both laugh "So what was wrong?"

She thought he had the best smile. "It was nothing"

Burke raises his eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Yeah"

The two of them just stood there on the catwalk looking out the window for a minute. There wasn't very much traffic on the catwalk this time of day.

"I noticed that you didn't see much of Mr. Henderson's procedure?"

As though she hadn't even heard him, Cristina started talking "Sometimes it's really hard being an Attending's girlfriend."

"Yes" Burke pauses, happy that she was opening up "Sometimes it's really hard being an intern's boyfriend. You're very talented Cristina but I.."

"I know. You can't pick me."

Burke smiles, moves the hair that's fallen off of her face and asks "Are we okay?"

Cristina turns her body to face him and asks "Why did you think our relationship was worth giving up chief for?"

Burke smiles a bit surprised. They had not discussed the professional ramifications of their relationship in quite a while. If he thought about it, there hadn't been many negative consequences. They both did a good job at keeping things separate and when they did cross the line they quickly corrected their mistakes. They didn't hang on each other at work, kept their personal business to themselves and made a point to limit public displays of affection to a touch her or there, some hand holding when off duty. That's about it. And here she was asking, looking straight at him waiting for an answer.

"I knew you were worth it. The day that you collapsed in my OR I knew that you were the one for me. You were the one that I needed. I have never been as scared as I was at that moment. That moment when I thought that I had lost you before we ever had a chance to have a life together. So I decided that I was going to go after what I wanted and I just hoped that you would let me and you did. Lucky for me you were trapped in the hospital for a few days and couldn't get away"

He stopped wondering why this question was being asked now. Cristina was not impulsive. Was she having second thoughts? "Cristina, I've never regretted that decision. Are you having regrets"

"No, none. I just had a bad day." She pauses. He looks into her beautiful eyes relieved. "Do you always look to see if I am in the Gallery?"

"Yes. I want to make sure when you're not with another patient that you are observing even if you are not scrubbed in. Our relationship should not deprive you of any benefit of this program everyone is agreed on that."

In a voice that Burke couldn't quite identify, Cristina looked for clarification "Everyone?"

He could see the tension on her face but he had gone too far now to backpedal. He had purposefully kept this conversation to himself because he knew it would upset her but it was a meeting that had to take place as uncomfortable as it had been for him

"Cristina, you are a student in Seattle Grace's program and the Chief, other Attendings, Dr. Bailey and I needed to have a discussion about how to proceed with your education in light of our relationship. We had to work out case assignments, parameters, boundaries. We had a meeting shortly after I told the Chief about our relationship." In that instance, he remembered how upset she had been the day he told the Chief about them. "You still deserve all of the benefits of this program and deserve to be rewarded for your performance and hard work not penalized because we're in love." He waited for her to come back with a passionate response about not wanting allowances and protecting her privacy, never having wanted to tell the Chief in the first place.

After a moment, she reaches out and grabs his hand "So does the Chief know that you're looking for me in the gallery when you should be concentrating on the patient on the table?

Cristina now has that playful gleam in her eye that Burke loved. They both laugh and he quickly scans the catwalk making sure no one is around before stealing a quick kiss. "You have a long night ahead of you, how about I buy you a cup of coffee before I head home?"

"Okay, thanks" As Cristina and Burke walked towards the elevator taking advantage of the late hour in the hospital to hold hands, Cristina couldn't help but admit that Meredith was right. She was happy with her life now. She would have never thought it was possible and would never admit it to anyone else but this feeling was better than scrubbing in on the best surgery.

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	4. Chapter 4

Last Chapter…

So they didn't quite make it to get coffee. They made it as far as the elevator.

The elevator doors weren't closed more than a couple of seconds when Burke reached down and kissed Cristina, the weight of his body against hers pushing them against the side of the elevator. He had surprised her. The elevator move was McDreamy's specialty not Burke's.

They went into the empty lab in an attempt to get away from the watchful eyes of the surgical nurses that were guarding the on-call rooms. She liked it so much better in here than the on-call room because it was bigger and they could be a little louder without drawing attention to themselves. They were like teenagers sneaking around from their parents as they tried to avoid nurses and other staff.

They barely had the door shut when they started to undress each other, their lips never separating for too long. How much more efficient it would have been for them each to take their own clothes off but they were enjoying the fumbling as they maneuvered the clothing off. Their coats, scrubs, shoes, underwear carelessly strewn across the lab floor. She loved it when Burke was spontaneous. Their hands traced each other's bodies slowly feeling every curve until he placed both hands on her face and they were looking right into each other's eyes. Sometimes she had trouble remembering what she thought had made her happy before they were together. At that moment he kissed her and in one movement picked her up, letting her legs wrap around him before placing her body on the empty counter. It always surprised her how strong and gentle he could be at the same time. She loved it. Who was she kidding? She loved him.

Cristina starts laughing.

He stops kissing her neck to remind her "Shhh someone's going to hear you "

"I can't help it. It's all your fault."

The sex was amazing. It always was…in different ways. Sometimes she'd try to figure out why it was so good and always came back to the same reason. Because they were truly in love. She would rack her brain and always came back to this same answer. They truly loved each other and so each time it was special because of that and that's what made it so amazing for her. It was times like this that she was convinced that she had lost her mind. Gone were the days when sex was good or bad now apparently it was special.

Burke's watching Cristina finish getting dressed. He remembers early in their relationship being in this same room feeling completely uncertain about what the two of them were doing. He walks over to her and grabs her in his arms whispering in her ear "Still want that coffee?" Cristina is smiling when her pager starts going off.

She finds her pager on the floor "You go home and get some rest. I think I'll get my own coffee thanks!"

"Goodnight." Burke hands Cristina her lab coat.

Running out the door she yells "Goodnight."

As she runs up the stairs to get back to the 4th floor, Cristina laughs to herself thinking that dating an Attending definitely has its perks!


End file.
